so 2009 is nearing its end and i feel the need to share some major changes that i have implemented in my life... but where to begin is going to be difficult... i warn this is long.. i will post another one soon so i dont blog a whole novelette...
2009 will be going down as a milestone in my life...
as i have heard it referenced as a quarter-life crisis... i turned 25... a year i really never wanted to see... but yet here it is...guess it really was a crisis for me... 25 and looking at where i wanted to be and what i wanted to do with my life finally after many years of avoiding the "where do you want to be in 5 years.." question i finally got around to answering it... a simple haircut or dye job wouldnt have corrected my dissatisfaction i was experiencing... so i hopped my best friend's train to go back to skool... which i think could be correlated to a 50 yr old getting a face lift or a sports car... many years i have been saying that i wanted to and that i needed to and even with the many that i had encouraging me i held off on those plans..
guess my quarter life crisis was the time that was right for me to box up my work shoes, concert tickets, and my bar tabs... and move to cardinal/ram territory... proudly wearing cubs and bear gear..
to celebrate such a change... i figured what better gateway to my new ways... then a weekend trip to ireland with two of my bestest friends... funny, when destroying the vault of my life--my room--i found a homework assignment from grade skool... that asked 'where would you want to go on vacation'... my response was "ireland with chuck..." apparently jackie and i have been planning such a trip for nearly 15 years.. (that trip... from what i can remember.. will have to be its own blog..)
i must say that turning 25 with jackie and maggie... in a small pub in dublin... with 'sunday bloody sunday' ringing from down the street...( u2 was in dublin for the first time ever)... was no less than perfect... and no i wouldnt have wanted to be at the concert...
moving on...
to continue on my path of change... i must throw a shot out to staples... for the first time in over 4 years... i guess i have a someone that i affectionately call staples.. accident prone and all... he would be my boyfriend... and i must add... i broke the whole 3 mo curse... maybe you dont see this as huge... but it kind of is for me... i guess with recent global climate changes... hell did freeze over some...
another 'may-not-seem-major-but-is-major' event in 2009 was the closing of the old uncle pats.. E McC 's... for many it was just a bar they frequented.. for karaoke or cause they were at one point a good friend of mine and we hung out there all the time... but i must say that it was my bar... it was one of the few...THE FEW... bars that i could walk in alone and have a great time... it become more than just ernie's to me... its where i wanted to be to celebrate.. to forget... to just be...
ernies introduced me to some of my closest friends... it was our bar not just mine... and the memories from that place... dear god... everyone has one.. good or bad... going to that bar changed my life... if i was writing my autobiography... the last 4 years would be its own part named Ernies... as much as we hate it... we loved it...
my love affair with the bar was interupted when i went on thirds... but it was revived after the 6 month stint on thirds... cause when i returned to the nite life in aurora.. it seemed as tho everyone else left the nite life...
reflecting on how much that bar meant to me... it wasnt really that is was a bar... but the regulars and the bartenders there know more about me that i would say most of you (if anyone is reading this) know about me... and i will take full blame for that... but ernies closing was just another nail in the coffin of my life prior to my crisis... another reason to move on.. and leave aurora behind...
i never believed in signs before... that someone/something in the heavens somehow giving you a direction as to where to go/what to do... but i guess this year has been filled with many signs to move on from the life i knew back in aurora... and to be here sitting on my back porch enjoying a gorgeous fall day...
but the signs... like... loosing things that once described me... my thumb ring that i have had since i was 18 and fought over ownership for... my blue hoodie that i stole and wore the hell out of... my room.... loosing these things specifically... i now, at least, dont have a constant reminder for memories associated with them... i think its for the better...
i must add... one, i want subway right now... and two, since i have join the masses with using facebook, i must thank facebook for their great feature called hide... so that i can discontinue certain people's roles in my life by not concerning myself really with them at all... having said certain people continue in my life's story will just poison the (for lack of a better term) "recycled" me... they hold baggage that i do not need nor want in my life anymore... best way to describe it... seeing their pic or their status is like the smell of vodka for me.. makes my stomach hurt and makes me want to vomit... harsh i know... but eh.. so thank you facebook cause myspace and twitter do not allow me to just hide them (i guess im not quite come to terms with just deleting them cause if i ever want to see what is happening with them... i still can...)
conclusion:
this year has forced me to reevaluate my life... come to terms with a lot of bullshit... closed chapters in my life... that i wanted to keep open... but it seems that life just a cycle of ridding oneself of the old and being open to welcome the new... as i did before... i moved on from the life i once knew 4 years ago... i will move on from the past 4 years...
i know this all sounds very negative... but its just a shed of skin... it once was me... and has contributed to whom i am... i can keep going with analogies... i just dont need these people and things in my life anymore...
anyways...
i must say i did well this year... cause along with my talk of going back to skool... i talked plenty of wanting to see ireland by the time i was 25... did well taking two things off my "bucket list" so to speak...
more to come shortly... figured... this was plenty to share now...
and i have to go rip out carpet from my house...
rb.
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